Always and Forever

I am living proof of the fact that people�s lives don�t routinely fall apart when they leave the ICoC; as a matter of fact, getting free of this controlling religious group allowed me to breathe a huge spiritual, emotional, and financial SIGH OF RELIEF. I�ll probably add a little more to The Dance-Away Zone! as time passes, though I think I�m finally nearing the bottom of the well, as far as that subject is concerned! I�m to the point where I find myself looking forward far more often than I find myself looking back � and this is wonderful! Nothing short of a miracle from God, in my opinion.

Six months after leaving the ICoC, I returned to my hometown; within 60 days after moving back, I got a great job at an international engineering firm in my town � and I�m still working at that same firm, coming up on five years later. I have experienced no crises and no "punishments from God"; in fact, my life has been so blessed due to my family�s unconditional love and acceptance. I have two beautiful nieces, in whose lives I can now have a share; and I have an awesome [tm] relationship with a most wonderful man, also an ex-ICoC member. He is my soul mate and best friend � a best friend who will become my husband in 1999. I firmly believe that God chose to bless me for leaving an abusive and controlling religious group like the ICoC. He has, I firmly believe, used the ICoC to teach me how NOT to be a "Christian" � so for that, I guess I am thankful. As a result of my impending marriage, my plans to return to college full-time to complete my Bachelor�s degree have been put on hold (I�m a little over halfway done at this point). It's all right, though -- I have regained my power of choice, and I am grateful for that!

But back to spiritual things. For a while after I left the ICoC, I did feel a great deal of disillusionment with the concept of God and Christianity, and needed to take some time to pay attention to my spiritual and emotional healing. The "bulk" of the healing, for me, has taken over four years. There is no standard timetable for healing, and unfortunately, some never find that healing. That�s why I think that the support that so many people provide via the Internet and support groups is so very important. Talking about the ICoC experience with others who�ve "been there, done that, got the T-shirt" (or in the ICoC�s case, you probably had to *buy* the T-shirt in order to show that you were "an awesome disciple") can be so therapeutic. It helps so much to know that you are not alone in your doubts and fears, and I thank God for those who were there for me when I first came on the scene on the Internet, hurting and very indignant. I firmly believe that God will judge those in the ICoC who so routinely cause His "little ones" to stumble.

It can be hard to gain a trust in God again. One thing that helped me to heal is by remembering and reaffirming to myself, over and over, the fact that God didn�t create the ICoC � a man did � in 1979, to be specific. I have to reaffirm to myself repeatedly that to follow Christ means to reject the teachings of man, and that the decision to continue walking with Jesus means having faith that Jesus is the only mediator that God requires. When you�re feeling a nagging feeling that something�s wrong and people in the ICoC are telling you "It�s Satan making you doubt," I think it�s really God�s spirit appealing to our consciences, asking us to look at what is in front of our eyes and compare it to what is written in Scripture � and that the awful feeling so many get when they consider ICoC teachings/practice is our consciences warning us. And it�s not good to ignore that little voice inside.

In my spiritual journey, I had to begin back at square one � I went back to the question, "Is there a God?" Once I could confidently answer that question for myself in the affirmative (no, I can�t *prove* the existence of God logically, but I can say that I have gained a true *faith* that God exists) I have been able to slowly, but surely, begin rebuilding my spiritual "house." I�ve read a number of books about cults and spiritual abuse, in order to have an understanding of how and why I was vulnerable, and how to avoid the wiles of such groups in the future. On some level, ALL people are vulnerable to the lure of coercive groups, not just certain segments of society. Cults and coercive groups are appealing because they fill a need that we perceive (whether consciously or unconsciously) we are missing � whether it be a need for "God," a need for human affection, a need for acceptance, belonging, structure, spiritual "connection," whatever � it�s different for everyone. By striving to understand our own needs, and by finding ways to meet those needs in a healthy manner, we can effectively "cult-proof" ourselves and our children.

One of the most important and most lasting lessons I have learned as a result of my ICoC experience is that "God" is so much bigger than "religion." It�s very important for everyone to know that these two concepts are NOT interchangeable, as those in the ICoC very subtly teach people to believe. The ICoC teaches that religious concepts such as "discipling," "baptism," and a whole list of other things must be present for salvation; but I ask, was "discipling" nailed to a Cross for you? Did "baptism" die to free you from sin? Will your "discipler" be permitted to intercede for you when you stand before the throne of God? Before God, will you be able to blame your failure to be righteous on the fact that you were just being "obedient," or "submissive"? These questions, and many others, deserve careful thought.

Unfortunately, I am one of those who�s had a very hard time trying to figure out how not to "throw out the baby with the bath water." Finally, after over two years (post-ICoC) of avoiding what was in my heart, and then a little over two years talking about and otherwise examining my experience with the ICoC, I can finally see myself returning to a Christian church someday, though I think that Christians can have some most excellent "fellowship" with other believers without belonging to a formal "church." I have visited some Christian churches in my area, as well as the local Unitarian Universalist fellowship, and I�ve met some neat people in all, though I�m not prepared to "put down roots" at this time. There are those who will disagree with my approach, I�m sure, but part of my post-ICoC journey involves challenging the religious "traditions" I have been taught to date. Whenever I choose to visit or join a church, it is because *I* want to � not because someone tells me I am "rejecting God" if I don�t believe their church is "The One True Church" (as, for example, ICoC members are both taught and expected to do). I will not feel bound to exclusively attend one Christian group or the other, because for a Christian, salvation is not "church-based" � the "Lord" to whom we must all ultimately answer is Jesus Christ - not "the church," or anyone in "the church."

Peace and God Bless as you continue on this journey called LIFE.